New Year's Resolutions

2011 is gone and left behind experiences. Some I'd like to change, some I'd like to do again, all I've learned something from. But here are my goals and habits for 2012:

Habits:
Be kinder to myself
Run 5 times a week
Read every night
Set things right
Journal More
Be kinder to myself

Goals:
Run a marathon
PR a 1/2 marathon
Write a race report for EVERY race
Run 5 new races
Purge stuff
Read 1 book a month

Be Kinder to Myself:
It is no mistake that this is listed twice. I am my own worst critic. My faults are enormous in my eyes. My poor decisions life changingly disastrous. I need to remember that I am human and I am awesome. I make more good decisions than bad. Most of my faults can easily be changed into assets. All I can do is lead with my mind and heart (as appropriate) and understand that people have their own demons and how they react is not a reflection on me. That the universe is not conspiring against me. This is where I need to be, even if it's not where I want to be and I don't know why I'm here.

Run 5 Times a Week:
"Running is not what I do, but it's what makes everything I do okay." When I run, everything is better. I feel more confident, sexier, smarter, more in tune with me. I need to get rid of the excuses and go.

Read Every Night:
I love to read. I hate not being able to talk to my friends about books they've read or what I'm reading. I hate saying, "It's on my list" or "It's on my bookshelf". I can get into bed 30 minutes earlier every night and get my read on. (I can't believe I typed that either)

Set Things Right:
Whether it be in my house, in my car, or in my relationships, I want to set things right. I am starting to realize clutter is not just physical. I need to clear my mind of the what ifs, if only, wish I could change this. I also need to implement a filing system and clean some drawers out.

Journal More:
After some reflecting I've come to realize that I need to write shit down. Talking things through, over and over and over again (as some of my friends can attest to) is how I process them. I wonder if I had kept up my journal after I got married would I have seen problems sooner. Not just in our relationship, but in my job satisfaction, my body image, everything. I've been lax about documenting my thoughts over the last year, and I want to change that. Writing shit down brings it to the forefront of my mind. I can't run from it if it is there in black (or blue) and white (or cream).

As for the Goals:
I've signed up for the LA Marathon and have also targeted CIM.

I PR'd the Southern California 1/2 after thinking I would have to walk some of it (race report coming soon)

I need to remember what I did right and what didn't work for me, that's where the reports come in. Also, I had a hell of a time searching for my times from races in 2011 to see if the Southern California 1/2 was a PR. I need to fix that.

I've signed up for The Tinkerbell 1/2 at Disneyland (1/29), Rock n Roll 1/2 in New Orleans (3/4), LA Marathon (3/18). I've targeted CIM, but haven't signed up. Also, I have the Heartbreak Ridge 1/2 on my radar. That's 5. I'm excited. In fact, I'm signing up for Heartbreak Ridge as soon as I check my credit card balance.

Purge stuff goes along with my habit to set things right. After moving last year I realized I have way too much stuff. Way too much. Bean has toys he has outgrown. I have hobbies I've outgrown. I have clothes I'll never wear again. Shoes I... no, that's going to far. The shoes and bags are off limits for now.

I love to read. Hopefully I'll get through 12 books this year if I read for at least 30 minutes a day. I hope.

Thanks for taking the time to read this. I'm happy I took the time to write it.

Why do you hate me?

Running, why do you hate me? I love you so much. I love the wind on my face (when there is wind, I don't run fast enough to create any wind). I love the sun/rain on my face. I love the footfalls, everyone of those little impacts that propel me forward. Love, love, love it!

But you hate me. I tell you I want you, you throw me a stressed/hurting ankle. I tell you I need you, you give me knee pain leading me to believe I'll have IT band issues again. Why do I keep coming back? What pull do you have over me?

And there is the riddle. Why do I keep trying to chase, literally and figuratively, a dream of running long distances quickly?

Running gods, please let me make it to the Start line of the Southern California 1/2 in January. This is all I ask.

Crap!

Today I came home to a mysterious package on my porch. The only package I was planning on getting was from Barnes and Noble and that's not supposed to come until Friday.

I ripped it open and it was my shoes! My new Hurricanes that I found on the net! (how did we find the cheapest prices or retired shoes before the internet?) I opened the box and compared them to my older "new" shoes, to make sure I got the same model and guess what I saw?

Seriously, people, I just bought these shoe. In January. Not even a month ago (it was the 10th or something). I have an appointment with my chiropractor tomorrow and I'll ask him about it. I'm going to ask my orthotics maker, too. These shoe might have 100 miles on them, might. I'm guessing it's closer to 50.

At this rate, I'll be buying shoes every 250-300 miles. I thought I should be able to get about 500 out of them...

Any suggestions or comments? Is this normal? Do I need to investigate different shoes or just lose 30 lbs?

Expectations

I did a timed mile at Big Corona. My time was 37:33.

WTF? I thought I'd be faster. I'm not sure why, but I did. This brought me down a bit during the farewell bonfire for a fellow TriDiva that is leaving the state. I eventually put it out of my mind and enjoyed the company and the food.

I'm not sure why I can't be happy with any of my swim times. When I started this training I wasn't a swimmer. I'm still not. I was just a bit better than people who didn't know how to swim, now I'm a bit better. The fastest I can do my 25m is still around 30 seconds. That's the same as the pool sessions at the beginning of the spring season! Gah!!!

I think I'm done with this post. I'm Debbie Downer and that's not cool. What I will leave you with is this, I joined the cult called Facebook. Yes I did. And now I have empirical evidence that I, in fact, have friends.