For the 3rd year in a row I have failed to complete the Surf City 1/2 marathon. This year, 28 days after having a c-section, I walked the 5K.
It was probably closer to 5 miles, since I started walking from where I parked and past the 1/2 marathon start before getting to Main St in Huntington Beach. I was also the latest start, I'm sure, as I showed up about 40 minutes after the "gun" went off.
I wasn't sure I was going to do the race. It was supposed to be raining and I didn't want to take the bean out in that kind of weather. I didn't want to leave him at home, either. When I woke up, I saw a friend's picture that she posted on Facebook. The weather was beautiful at my house and beautiful in Huntington Beach, so I woke up my mother and we got ourselves and the bean ready to go, then went.
It was a bittersweet event. I was jonesing to run and jealous of the 1/2 marathoners who were getting to complete my favorite distance ever. When I had seen this race in my head I was carrying the bean or he would be waiting for me at the finish line with the person I love. and who loves me. I will admit there were tears. There were more mutterings and thoughts about how this wasn't how it was supposed to be. This was not the life I planned. My life was not supposed to be this way.
Even though this is not my choice, it is my life. In the end, Nathan was waiting there with the person I love and who loves me, my Mom. It may not have been the scene I had in my head, but it was still a great memory.
I really have to learn to lean on the support I have, use them when they offer.